


i’ll give you the cosmos (if you ask for them)

by inlovewiththeirlove (fieldofdiabolicalbutlovelykillers)



Series: love on the road [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Tour Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 17:13:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17584961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fieldofdiabolicalbutlovelykillers/pseuds/inlovewiththeirlove
Summary: Their communication skills in the beginning were like a mole rat navigating through tunnels of dirt, lost and confused.But surely it was different now?





	i’ll give you the cosmos (if you ask for them)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a direct follow up to the last one in the series so I recommend reading that first, also this is going to have one more chapter(that'll be more fluffy)!

Phil was biting his lip trying not to let panic set into his body. He had spent the last five minutes fumbling with the hotel room key trying to get inside. His palms were clammy and the key card was not in the mood to cooperate.

He could knock, of course, could wait for thirty seconds until Dan let him in. Though, Dan would be asleep still, wouldn’t he? Phil didn’t want to wake him up. He tried again, but the buzzer turned red again. He tried the door again anyway but it changed nothing.

Phil knew he couldn’t stand in the hallway forever, an old lady had already walked by who eyed him suspiciously. Phil had tried to smile at her but she scowled. Phil worried it might have edged over to creepy rather than friendly. 

He waited another minute and then tried again, he even tried blowing on the keycard and wiping it with his T-shirt but nothing made a difference. 

He finally resigned to his situation. He took in a breath and knocked. The door opened almost instantaneously. He was met with Dan looking disheveled with his phone in one hand, whose eyes widened as soon as he saw him. 

“M, yeah he’s here, he looks fine,” Dan’s hand clutched the door handle harder, “I’m sorry for disturbing you, enjoy your day off.”

Phil shuffled across the room to grab a water bottle from the mini-fridge as Dan said goodbye on the phone. Phil opened up the door to only find beer lining its shelves. He let out a sigh. A little part of him had been expecting a cold ribena waiting for him but there wasn’t even any water here. They must have run out of water bottles yesterday and Phil wanted to scream. The nomadic lifestyle people romanticized was over-rated.

Phil grabbed a beer, needing something to quench his thirst. He heard the click of a phone in the background.

“Phil,” Dan sounded exasperated, unable to even string together a sentence. He paused for a moment, to stare at Phil and then said, “Where the fuck were you?”

Phil tried to find the bottle opener but it wasn’t above the fridge as expected. 

“Do you know where the bottle opener is?” he finally asked to Dan who had shut the door as was staring at him with expectant eyes.

“I do not care where the bottle opener is right now,” Dan’s voice was quieter, he spoke slowly, intensely and Phil knew he owed Dan an explanation. He didn’t happen to have one was the problem.

“My keycard is really not working, I’m tired of this hotel. We should try to go somewhere else, I mean it’ll only be for tonight but I for one will like it more, what do you think?” Phil was rambling, scrambling to change the subject so perhaps Dan would forget his disappearing act.

Phil’s gaze traveled to Dan’s hands, whose grip on his phone tightened, his knuckles paled. Phil was avoiding Dan’s gaze and stared at a spot on the wall next. 

“Phil, what are you on about?” Dan’d eyes followed Phil trying to make eye contact and yet Phil kept staring at the wall.

Phil finally looks at Dan. Dan’s eyes were warm as always, full of love, loyalty and understanding. 

Phil prepared for Dan’s expression to change to disappointment, as he shrugged and mumbled, “I was just making conversation.”

It was anger that flashed across Dan’s face and somehow that hurt more. Dan had never been quick to anger, he’d be annoyed at Phil sure, he’d put on a production of rolling his eyes and pouting but it was never true anger.

Until now. 

“I called you like fifty times,” Dan raised his voice, pausing to enunciate every word.

“My phone ran out battery,” Phil kept his voice even trying not to make Dan more upset.

“Where were you? Could you at least tell me that?” Dan sounded defeated and Phil saw Dan’s face droop.

Phil closes the distance between them, he takes Dan’s hand in his and plays with Dan’s fingers. 

He stared at Dan’s knuckles and whispered, “I’m here now.”

Dan, huffed, unsatisfied and shook Phil’s hands off of his. 

He turned his back to Phil and walked away. Dan sat on his bed and Phil heard the opening song to Crossy Road. Dan’s tactic was clear, and it hurt more than any weapon would.

Phil hated conflict, hated it with a passion, he is always one to resolve things. 

A few minutes later, he tried to make conversation, “So, sightseeing today right? I can look up some stuff to do in Vancouver?”

He’s met with silence. 

“I’ll take you out, do you want to shower first? And not to be presumptuous but uh, we could definitely have some fun together,” Phil tried to smile suggestively as he said it, though Dan’s face gave no indication of changing. Phil knew it was a bold suggestion but make up sex was one of their favourite kinds.

Dan didn’t respond. Phil made his way over to Dan and sat down on the bed. He didn’t want his mood to have affected Dan. Phil was tired, homesick and wanted rest from this way of life they had adapted but he wanted Dan to smile. That’s all he ever wanted. 

“Baby, don’t pout,” Phil poked Dan’s cheek, not exactly knowing what reaction he was hoping for but anything would be better than the ice he was currently getting from Dan. 

“Phil! I’m serious right now,” Dan said.

“Hi serious, I’m Phil,” Dan grimaced, Phil poked Dan’s cheek lightly again, “Come on you love that, it’s dumb jokes that have sustained our relationship, look I know I fucked up up but you have to cheer up, let’s actually have a good day.” 

“I woke up and you were not here, I was worried, I’ve been looking for you for an hour and you just want to make jokes?

“Dan, I’m a grown man, I would’ve been fine, you didn’t have to worry.” Phil raised his palms in defence and Dan rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t even have your wallet on you.”

“You’ve left without your phone and wallet before and for longer,” it was unfair, for Phil to take some of the lowest days of Dan’s life and throw them back into his face, but he didn’t care for the interrogation he was currently on the receiving end of.

“You cannot be serious, so this is my fault,” the frustration was clear in his voice and Phil bit his lip. 

He hadn’t imagined yesterday that his life would have become a balancing act. His predicament reminded him of one from ages ago, when he would act straight around his family. The heaviness, the weight, and the impulse, sitting on the tip of his tongue to let go. He had felt that way for years, he didn’t want to go back to that feeling.

“Phil?” It must be the sleep deprivation, but Dan’s voice sounds exactly like it did when they first met. He somehow looked like that too. The way red spots appear on the side of Dan’s face, the way his slightly wet hobbit hair stick to his forehead, it was strange seeing the boy he fell in love with, asking questions like a man. 

“How are you doing, and please be honest?” 

It was different, the way Dan asked. When they were younger Dan would've scoffed at the discussion calling it too touchy-feely for his taste.

Their communication skills in the beginning were like a mole rat navigating through tunnels of dirt, lost and confused. 

Phil leans away from the warmth of Dan’s neck. He stared at their fingers.

“I guess I’ve been homesick,”Phil said in a quiet voice, he didn't want to examine the depths of his messed up brain. 

He should be grateful, count his blessings. Thank the universe for giving him this opportunity to travel the world with someone he loved, instead here he was whining like a little kid.

“You’ve never pulled a disappearing act on me, what was that about?”

"I've never been more exhausted, but I couldn't sleep, I don't know if you've ever felt like that?" It felt strange to Phil, being vulnerable, letting the person he loved the most see his weak points. 

"I guess I usually feel no desire to sleep, when I'm having one of those days, more often than not, I just feel like nothing is worth doing." Dan spoke in a matter of fact way, he had told Phil this before, in different words.

He sometimes said he was tired of dissecting his feelings in therapy, but it still felt good to be trusted. He guessed he should let Dan experience that too.

"I feel like I've been pretending for months,” Phil choked on the last word.

Dan wrapped his arms round Phil at that and ran his fingers through his hair. 

"I'm so sorry," it was almost a whisper, but it broke Phil. The tears fell before he could control them. 

"This is not your fault, I'm just a screwed up mess," Phil's voice sounded hoarse to his own ears.

He saw concern in Dan's eyes and felt a pang of guilt. He'd left Dan like this, worried and anxious, while he was off doing what? Staring at some dead grass. He should be apologizing to Dan instead of sitting here crying like a little child. 

He wiped away his tears and stood up, "I'm going to wash my face, I'll be okay, don't worry about me."

He went in the washroom before Dan could say anything. 

He breathed in deep. and washed his face, trying to get rid of the puffiness that had overtaken his cheeks. Dan probably still had some foundation left over that he could use. 

He'd smile. They'd have a good day. They love travel, exploring new cities and this was an opportunity to explore. 

Phil wanted to be a better boyfriend.

He came outside to Dan on sitting on the bed, towel in hand.

“Here,” Dan said and handed it to Phil, “I should’ve noticed,” he added.

“I’m sorry too, i was being unfair to you,” Phil admitted.

Dan gave him a small smile.

“I’ve never seen you like that before, you reminded me of me in one of the bad days,” Dan held Phil’s hand as he said it, squeezing gently to reassure Phil.

“I’m so-” Phil started to apologize again but Dan dismissed it by waving his hand.

“Darling, I know I can’t fix this but you can ask me for anything you need okay? Australia will be better i promise,” Dan said with a soft smile.

“You promise that do you?” Phil teased, letting himself smile.

“I’ll promise you the world, Lester, try and stop me,” Dan said through a grin. 

Phil giggled at that too and for the moment, he believed it. He let himself get caught up in the moment, the let his hands get lost in Dan’s curls, let his lips find his way to Dan’s and then they were in a world of their own.

**Author's Note:**

> this was unbetad and tbh i wanna stop looking at it in my drafts so thanks for reading as always and you can talk to me abt it on tumblr (@cutie-with-booty) or leave a comment, i always love them!


End file.
